The St. Louis Snow

They talk a lot about what's supposed to be... Supposed to be what there no cookie cutter plan for everyone to experience the same... Not everyone wants a 9 to 5, sitting in traffic for two hours a day, going home to Suzy Homemaker and rinse&repeat until death... Some poor souls work retail... Lol Not everyone is destined for those lives. And I get that people join the church and organizations to be told how to live and what rules to follow, in order to aspire to that cookie cutter life..... But that's not the point to life... The point to life isn't to follow someone else's recipe... It's to learn and connect from and to others... It is to learn to love others in spite of their differences to you.  ... I had to unlearn a lot of bullshit I had absorbed in youth to be a better human today. Finding a company to work for and with, was the start of how I learned how to utilize trust from others as a currency to live... A lifestyle of respect, understanding, and inte...

I met my future in laws for the first time, and I'm honestly over the moon. Albeit it was Maga country, they were nothing but kind and sweet. I saw such an abundance of love they had for each other... And the fact that they've had the same house for... Their entire life. I am kinda jealous of that.  My family and childhood was othering and sprawling out with moving around a lot and separation... My whole family pretends we had this perfect childhood and whenever we bring it up, we are the ones being dramatic or the tyrannical stepmother says passive shit like "I don't remember that." ...how convenient for her that she doesn't recall all the outbursts and us "getting into trouble" whenever we were ourselves... But we were "outside of our gender roles," as it were....  I liked American muscle cars and my sister never really wanted to wear dresses as a kid...  We were constantly fought with or yelled at to be something we weren't.  At the ...

All I ever wanted to be known for was to love well and hard. See, your friends are supposed to teach you how to love yourself... How to take care of others. One's family is supposed to teach you how to be a good friend/human to others. Treat others as you would yourself... That's what was drilled into me as a kid, growing up half in the church indoctrination, and half in a single mom household, who would act like an adulthood teenager....  Apparently that doesn't translate to Christianity. I've never found the kindness I deserve in The Church. I've always sought fairness. I've always sought friendship and love in others. We are supposed to like ourselves. We are biologically made to like ourselves, so if we don't, what has to change in our life to like ourselves, again? ...we cannot live by montage, unfortunately. But we can reminisce and remember through montage. What do I have to do today to get to where I want to be in a year, 2, 5? A decade? How does one...

No human on earth can control how their offspring experiences the world, on a personal level... Like, they can give them comforts they themselves didn't receive as children... Build up generational wealth and so forth, both in equity and relationships... Parents can control their kids environments up to a certain extent... But knowing that awareness as a child isn't a lesson that is commonly taught.  How to perceive the world around me was the job of my parents... You'd think having three most of my life, that I'd luck out with one good one. I wouldn't say my mother is overall good... But I think she thinks she did ok. And I think she did the best she could with the resources she had. Her trust in the world was broken... She passed that mistrust down to us. Expecting kindness from strangers is stupid, but I'm supposed to trust my fellow man in moments of crisis? How about in a daily scenario? If me, an autistic woman, is going to work most of her life, I would l...

Don't try to define yourself by the sins you think others hold against you.  The things people don't talk about. The level of emotional intelligence of my loved ones, through a screen or on the phone, or in person, I feel like everyone gets a different version of me... Except for B. Lol he can't get enough of me... And it is so awesome! I don't have to be anyone but myself and he never gets upset or irrational towards me and never encrouages me to be anything other than me... It's.... Refreshing? A relief on my heart. I don't feel like there's a debt building within him. He sees me as I see him.  Since my diagnosis in 2023, I've been way more open with people who are also themselves. Everyone at work, at The Company, is pretty emotionally-stable. Those who don't have high integrity usually don't make it a year... I can just tell, this will be my 4th holiday season.  ... [I know her outside of The Company, but I gave her the opportunity to intervi...

Physical connection is very important to me. I get to choose who has access to me and when. I love being with certain people at certain times in my life. ... In background and at home, I always want to have B. I want to come home to him and be able to hug him anytime I want. I feel intoxicated around him and it's only when we are alone.  When we are out in the world, we are probably perceived as that cutesie new couple... I don't feel embarrassed around him and I am drunk with mutual respect. He values my intellect and direction in crowded spaces. He likes that I can take charge in certain situations and tell him with my eyes that I'm ok and happy... But he can read me and talk to me like how I talk to myself. It's really easy to mirror him because I love what I see...  I love that I can see the gold flecks of his soul when he peers into mine. I've only had these moments a few times in my life... Remember moments I felt a certain way and could express my love in the...