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Bravery and Struggle

Peace is transitioning. I look forward to the day he lets me know he feels fully himself. I knew them before, but now B first met them as a transman, afab he/him. And he gets to experience him as a him... It takes my brain awhile to process such a change, but it is more a ... Long-coming identity, and not a switch kind of change.  Like me coming out as queer, I was the last to know... Lol. My manager at the time (now coworker) had said he knew I was queer the moment he met me. ...what gave that away? Probably my bright ass hot pink curls and my space dress... But who can really know?  I have struggled with identity and who I am in the world, most of my life. I have been assumed or mistaken for trans before, and I take it as a profound compliment. To go against such a rigid grain of silly society standards and the stupidity of such a limited dichotomy...  A profound and unjustified judgement of how a human SHOULD live, let alone be perceived... For one to identify as somet...
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Accident

B had a car accident today, around 11am. He had just dropped me off at work. He is ok. I was worried about him all day. Not in a noticeable way. My emotions didn't get me... I didn't cry.  I had told my coworkers matter-of-factly and their reactions were heartfelt. Peace, ofc, offered to cover any of shifts, without hesitation. But B is still training, so he doesn't have regular shifts yet. Manager was lenient, in that he said B can take as long as he needs to recover...  But money will be TIGHT. Glad we are just doing one con this year, although I still think we need to attend one day of Momo con for him to dry run a crazy crowd together... Best to understand one another.  The car itself is totalled. I'm going to stay at my place for a few days so prices for Uber aren't ridiculous. $25+ isn't sustainable for me in the short or long-term..... ... We are unsure about the next legal actions we will be taking, but I'll be there for him every step. There's a...
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Hand and Foot

Today was the annual meeting at my company. Almost everyone was there in attendance. It was so much fun seeing the growth of this company! B and I just finished the documentary that my bosses were in...  Tonight, B and I will make dinner. We'll eat it in front of that Biopic about DW and I'm so excited! We had a picnic after the meeting and had a great conversation about nothing and everything. It was a splendid day. A few pictures of the nice moment we made with each other on making goingintoworkworthgettingupearlyonadayoff kinda day.  I had thought a long time about how I wanted to always do this... A free date. Doesn't really cost anything, except time and patience. And now I have both, because I can share myself, even so prickly, at times, ....and he still gets my back, because now that's his default.  He had said once, his current goal in life is to make me happy. Lol He's so wonderful. I'm very lucky to have him in my corner.  Now he's in the grocery s...
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Chores

As an autistic, who is self-aware, I often wonder if others are also self-aware.... What makes someone unaware? ... B is in the grocery store right now and I'm in the parking lot. I've stood most of my day, so I'm happily sitting, awaiting his return.  It's fun matching people to their cars... It's fun seeing glimpses into their lives: A woman in an all black business suit and stilettos gets out of her red leather interior red, black Mercedes, with a cloth tote bag in hand. She got the tote out of her backpack briefcase. Environmentalist badass boss.  A man, maybe late 30s, leaves the store with a 4 year old, mid-tantrum. The kid, not the man... He calmly puts the yelling child into the backseat of a white crossover that had just arrived a moment before. And then he himself opens the passenger front seat. The car stays there about 2 minutes and then drives off...  A young man got into a small pickup truck with a math-problem-worth of oranges in those mesh sacks. The...
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Sixty-Seven

I'm working through a lot of issues I have with my dad. I don't understand how someone so educated in history and in writing, sides himself along Skidmarks and his fellow GOP-fellas.  I think he's tinted all his stories and all his ideas through the Catholic Church, and the ridiculous importance of being married... I think he thinks the church is the end all, be all, of existence. I think he thinks I'll come around, eventually. I think he thinks I'll finally find my place if I'd only join a church... That the church is the only viable avenue of prosperity... The only way one can be successful...  ... There's a Robin Williams movie, Man of the Year... It has Robin's character liken politicians to NASCAR drivers... In that, the politicians wore what companies and ideas they represented. This concept really stuck with me. ...I have a jacket I like to wear in the colder months with a bunch of patches and art and pins that represent the things I am into... My...
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Yes Men

I think there's a difference between blindly following an idea and arrogance. For the first to be true, wouldn't one have to understand the opposition? Wouldn't it be fair, if one understood their enemy's perspective? To think I am equal to my enemy, as in the same regards of having the right to live freely ... Not thinking of myself as more than, or more important of someone who has less than me. I've never understood the lack of humility my father possess whilst professing that he's a good representation of a Christian man ...  He's charming and sauve, yes. And he's nice when he is in pursuit of something... But he isn't kind. He's generous with money, which is why I don't like to tell him I need it. I get that I'm super lucky, and that if I was in dire need, I'd probably ask him for funds... But I already know that money is from a place that Gertrude doesn't know of ...... It would track. He people-pleases to keep the peace... ...
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The Man Asked...

Watching DW with B... It's the God Complex... Funny how it's about a monster, and not the author themselves. White men are never at fault! But they are also not the default type of life. Anyone who worships their woman is a good friend of mine.  My partner has a lack of ego, not an inflated sense of self. My therapist pointed out today that my father still thinks of himself as the hero ... He voted for trump. He voted for the authorization of this Punk Ass government of a United States to be overthrown by the horse meat of public school lunches, Trump. What a fucking laugh of a wasted existence... He is and was an awful man, and whoever supports him in anyway doesn't get my respect. Period.  For realsie, my dad had thought Jamie Lanaster was the hero in GoT's first episode!!.. Like ... He thinks of himself as the hero! But, the moment he told me that he voted for that vile man.... I lost all respect for him. Every ounce. I stopped living some life my Dad had planned out...
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