What I've always wanted...

I am so glad I am with a big-dick energy kind of man. A type of partner who can trust me enough with criticism. Honest opinion first and foremost. The care and consideration of another person is astounding but trusting me enough with a blowback of a mature ego ... A thiccccc fucking skin to tell it like it is, without a reflection of easily hurt anguish. It is a sigh of relief.  

An authentic person who can be absolutely blunt with me. I work with many many people, all different temperaments and we are on the presipice of opening another location. Everyone's nerves are shot. 

My bosses are at their wits end. But they are good people. And resourceful in a crisis. Admireable at how patient one has to stay... Composed where others are at and stressed about opening. I am so proud of this team. I feel like I'm a background character at a renfaire... Yet, still adding to the scenery. 

I am proud of Peace, and all my other coworkers! We did it. I am so proud to be part of the same team of making 5 years at the same company. We have built upon a really cool company. 

I love being part of it, but I'm glad to not be the face of it... Talk about pressure... 

I do love my job and career... But I am learning to not put so much stock of effort towards it. I should be investing my spoonage supply and trust through friends and my manly mature man.... ... And I still have a crush on him. I still feel safe to be soft around him. I encourage him to be his best self... But B has lived through his life as a white straight man. He's never been fired before. I know the details of what happened and it wasn't sudden... It was ongoing slow occurrences. 

Because of his firing, Peace has developed a better reporting system of records.... Tracking the offenses and pointing it out, sooner. Which is great, if it had been installed before B got fired... He doesn't have the best memory. And jokes he had said were very offensive to my team ... I don't doubt he said some dumb shit... And now I don't doubt what happened. 

I think my boss was kind, in that she fired him, and didn't put that pressure on Peace to complete. He's going to be my best man... So I am glad he didn't have to fire B. 

Also, I am glad I know the difference between arrogance and ignorance... And now, B does too. He is awesomely smart and trusting. He still needs to learn to ask for help, more. But he makes me a better person, as I make him better. I can call him out, without fear of being emotionally damaged, ie yelled at. 

And I also gave him grace and patience as he had a court appointment this past week. We attended that together because I am his emotional support human, forever. That's how this'll work. I surgically, strategically waited to cut into his ego and questionable behavior, after the court date, to bring up the details of his firing. To reiterate that he cannot comment on such things. 

He has been a straight white man all of his life... And I do not doubt my teammates speaking up for themselves... What I do think is he did say some dumbshit and just had a seizure of awareness of how it made others feel.... And the long lasting affects. Because of him, I had a teammate calling out all the time when she had to work with him... Ugh. That's not ok. 

But he is a good human. He is a flawed man. But I am still in love with him. And he's still going to be mah huzbannn... And hopefully, coworkers will eventually feel safe to accept an invite to our wedding... Ok if not. But they are some of the few people I'd spend invitation money on, but would be ok if they didn't accept. 

.

He doesn't hide his frustrations with me. He is strong and resolute. He will conquer his desires to make "funny" comments around new people in the future. I hope that he can say his deepest apologies to those he hurt before our wedding. Maybe then, they'll attend. 

Anyway... Today is the big opening of our third location. I hope it is a success! 

...

Snow.