The Company You Keep

B got fired two weeks ago. It was some he-said/she-said bullshit and we were never told the exact phrase he used to get let go... The boss did the firing. There was zero investigation. 

I think it was handled poorly. Idt the Complainer likes straight men. And didn't understand that he was goofing. 

Two less invites to worry about for our wedding day... 

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I do believe there's an aire of...white-man-priveldge? It's like a specific arrogance that I've only found in white men. The way they walk around like they can go and do everything... Say whatever. They're just joking... People don't correct them, because they are white men. I am a woman, and queer. I am a minority. Idt white men try to bend to another whim all that often because the world was literally built for them... Or as they thought... 

Red once yelled out his car window, yelling at someone a compliment, but still yelling, "WOW! What a beautiful garden!" ....it was kind of embarrassing. But he never likes to be corrected or confronted... So... 

He's living his best life. He is dating someone that I think he's really happy with. And I am happy for Red. I miss our friend person hangouts and I miss his dogs. Even the asshole, Claire... 

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I was very angry at B, when he got fired. I still love and work at the company. He doesn't want me to quit. I wasn't going to, but I did consider it for 0.04 seconds... Irrational upset brain. 

B and I choose each other every day... And as I'm not yet done with Atlanta, let alone the company, we are still here, together. B is mine and I am his. 

I look forward to the day when I can say that to his face, in a nice white dress, and in front of our other loved ones. And then party. I expect a ring any day now. I knixed my idea of getting a ring. I am tired of waiting and want it asap!! I'm not a snooper... But good Lord. How much longer? 

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It's us versus the issue... Not versus each other. B is still looking for work, but he'll probably go back to Trader Joe's temporarily... Acting and animation are his passions. I admire that about him, but we've yet to really create anything together. 😑🫤

Something else always comes up... 

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Wednesday we are going to court. Probably get up super early and get nicely dressed. ...I think we'll be getting brunch out somewhere or maybe come home and sleep forever. I kinda want to set up looking at a house my mom has eyed, but unsure if that's doable on the emotional spoons docket for Wednesday. We will look nice... Real estate people love that. 

I am nervous about Wednesday. I've never had to go to court. I mean, I probably should've... But I have never gone. Unsure of what to expect. But I know we will be ok if we have each other there. I like being counted-on. I never had that with Crickets or anyone else before. To be so emotionally secure and trusted, isn't a responsibility I take lightly. I am honored to have him in my life. 

One is supposed to be respectful and honorable with loved one's trust. If you didn't have that growing up, I understand... I was always told what to do... Whatever I didn't understand, I would ask my dad. At a certain point, he stopped being there to ask, let alone knowledgeable of how to answer, correctly. 

He stopped being apart of my life in an important way, because I was never seen by him. He always saw someone he had to save... And as he's said to my face, "why are you causing my rocky marriage?" ...I think he recalls that, if at all, something he thought. Not something he had said aloud. 

He once told me what would've happened to me in 2009 if I had stayed in Atlanta... I would've been set up with a cot, in the shed, with a radio. Lol. In my early 20s. ...because I didn't want to live on my own. I wasn't ready. 

Just because I was a certain age, I was expected to leave. I was expected to act like everyone else. ...I have never been like everyone else. 

I am attracted to family respect and love. Trust. Honor. Integrity. 

My dad lacks those concepts when speaking of his daughters. His strong, independent for survival mode, braver than him daughters. 

I am not looking forward to facing him and ol' Gerty in October for our family reunion... We still have to book that room. I am looking forward to introducing him to the rest of the family. 

But we also need to plan other things, first. I'm getting upset that I don't have the ring yet. I wish we had gotten engaged at that picnic we both hung out, back in March? It was a week before the car accident, in which is why we are going to court in two days. 

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B is nervous, but doing ok. I am doing what I can for him. I am sad I don't get to have lunch with him every day, anymore. 

He's everything I've always wanted in a romantic, life partner. He's everything

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Snow.