The Man Asked...

Watching DW with B... It's the God Complex... Funny how it's about a monster, and not the author themselves. White men are never at fault! But they are also not the default type of life. Anyone who worships their woman is a good friend of mine. 

My partner has a lack of ego, not an inflated sense of self. My therapist pointed out today that my father still thinks of himself as the hero ... He voted for trump. He voted for the authorization of this Punk Ass government of a United States to be overthrown by the horse meat of public school lunches, Trump. What a fucking laugh of a wasted existence... He is and was an awful man, and whoever supports him in anyway doesn't get my respect. Period. 

For realsie, my dad had thought Jamie Lanaster was the hero in GoT's first episode!!.. Like ... He thinks of himself as the hero! But, the moment he told me that he voted for that vile man.... I lost all respect for him. Every ounce. I stopped living some life my Dad had planned out for me, as it is in the church; follow the sacraments. Get married. Have kids. Rinse repeat. There's really no acceptable place for a single woman unless you're dedicated to the church... 

I was raised to think the only two places for a person with a uterus, in the Catholic Church, was home life... as someone's wife, and then mother... And getting the treatment of a doormat. It was going to be up to me about advancing my husband's career with dinner parties and schmoozing... 

I have finally fell in love with someone who loves me for me. I should be so lucky. People be jealous.... We are going to get so many haters, B! 

I'd like to start telling obscenely funny stories about the audacity and arrogance of past men who claimed to have loved me. My dad, my exes.... I have a lot of stories!!

My husband is sleeping off a sugar coma at about 6oclock after spending the day with me. I cannot get enough of him. It feels like an addiction, but nothing is illegal, nothing is suspicious or dangerous. The bond of knowing your husband at the beginning is pretty stinkin' cool. He not only has all the attributes I've ever looked for in a romantic human confidant for life, I get to kiss him anytime I want. 

...he was watching DW with me but needed a nap, so I started watching love on spectrum, muted and read it while he slept. So many cringe moments... Embarrassing moments for them but the parents are clearly hindering their child's growth forward. I get nurturing them and trying to be there for them... But there is a point where you have to believe in the good and differences of others... 

I think a lot of people don't expect me to say the things I do in the way I do... I got all my attitude and sassy comeback energy by sassy black women. My friend groups most ofy life were black girls. I picked up their mannerisms and dialects... I look like I only date black men, a Snow Bunny, if you will... But I have dated one black man and I ran bàck... Like, why we didn't work out has nothing to do with the fact that he was, and everything to do with his lack of emotional intelligence... 

I needed someone so abundantly kind and seems to understand and care over being right? Annnnd he is a 6 foot Ghmli?? He cooks and cleans... He cleans himself, and isn't all about pooping for 3 hours a day... He was touched when I started folding his laundry... I love this man. I can't wait to live with him and we can help each other through this crazy life!! 

He respects me? And mutually loved and adores me? 

So, of course I said yes... He's planning a proposal... It'll be a surprise, that's when I'll get a ring in front of loved ones. Then we'll get engagement photos, separatly... Bc I've always wanted them... 

Anyway... He's gonna cry when he reads this, probably. It's weird being put first as someone's priority... I've never felt like this before. He's made for me as I him... He believes in science... Left leaning. People are people... Love is love. And that I have the sun shining out of my butt... 

I love you, B. You take such good care of my heart. 

Snow.