Dreams

I had a dream that I was watching a mutual friend's wedding reel online. Out-of-state, I couldn't go. But I saw my ex, and he looked good in a suit. 

It kinda made me happy... 1, men in suits are hot... 2, he HATES wearing suits. Lol. So I knew he was being tortured, but couldn't do anything about it. 

... I'm unsure where he is in life. I hope he felt his feelings and really processed everything. I hope he's had some rebounds and came to the conclusion that we were probably supposed to stay friends, but not date. I can't imagine us still together, honestly. He never had the equivalent equipment of emotional maturity. Or self expression that was calm. Easy. I understand that relationships aren't all sunshine and rainbows... But he just never expressed his true emotions, and assumed I could read his mind. And I kept telling him my things, but ofc I mistook his silence for compliance. Because "you can't handle me and it would kill me to hurt you" ... Thanks bro, but my feelings and emotions are mine to control. Just like yours... It takes practice and patience. 

His chaos and bitter sadness was familiar, but it wasn't healthy. I wonder if he's dating anyone, repeating the patterns he had with me... I was his first long term relationship and his first serious gf... I wonder if he's made the same conclusions... Or close to. Or does he paint me in bad lighting? I could go on about his mouth and how embarrassed I was all the time whenever he opened it... Lol. 

....

Handshake and I converse well. He stated he's going to pick me up for an event that's once a month. He asked if I had a ride, and I didn't answer back right away bc I was probably distracted or cleaning... And then he just stated, 
"[...]So be ready at 7:45 Thursday for me to pick you up."

Squeeeeeee... All this woman needs is simplicity. Decisiveness. 

There's this episode of Orville when Claire gets romanced by Isaac, with his emotional chip. ...that date he planned to a T, is this woman's dream date. Here's a dress in your size, you'll look amazing. Be ready at this time. 

Good lord... What a great show in general, but that episode is one of my favorites. 

...

Well. I guess I should get up and start my day. 

Snow.

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