a little bit

When I chose to start loving someone at the beginning of knowing them openly... Bc you yourself are so open with others... You present yourself one way and I accept you as you present yourself. It's refreshing to find it in others. I meet new people where I am all the time. I flirt with everyone. But my job gives me the best excuse to talk to people who do these events full time. Not Pride, persay... But being themselves. I am myself. ...or I try to be. Out in the open, in public, I like to be sober. 

In private, I like to be inebriated. I like to loose control from time to time and not have to make any more decisions .... Is that normal? I like to talk to myself and write out thoughts like this or worse... Or just deeper. I'd rather have a good example of a good normal to be. With routines suited more for me than against. I'm unsure who I should treat as friends? And who is safe... Not always mutual. 

...

But I'm not ok in my 10 by 10 room. I used to live in a household, with a whiney man, who complained I didn't clean bc, let me check my notes, bc he also did not clean. There was no listening and only worrying about what I wasn't doing.... No celebrating anything I did or saying thank you... No cleaning in time for the sake of keeping it clean. Being happy to do it... When asked properly.... Stop complaining... Just do it. Just clean. There had to be a special time when he wanted to clean... Blaming me for not cleaning ... For keeping it clean. Or wanting it to be once a week, together. We never held the other accountable. And he said, stupidly, "I'll clean when it's dirty" and he wanted me to tell him what.... That's incredibly incredibly stupid. How do you think it stays clean? It's bc it's cleaned.... Routinely.... And then it doesn't pile up ... But my piles pile and pile up the walls it scales for miles all not ending wires framework tweaks into positions please, a parabola of awareness and pain.

I hate being cold. 

Ironic.

Snow.