The St. Louis Snow

I never thought I could fall again. I never thought I'd catch these feelings again. I never thought I'd be so appreciated back, ever. I keep anticipating an outburst or an eye roll or gaslighting to save his own face.  B is turning out to be absolutely wonderful. I can see how much love he has for me, the amount of times Ive caught him staring but ignored him bc ... Driving . Or we were in class.  He's fascinated by my eyes and "the flecks of gold" they have. I've seen his eyes grow heavy and serious with intent before kissing me. I never thought I'd find someone so easy to love, and someone who easily loved me back. We are trying not to say the  L word to one another too early... But I just want to hurry up. When I know I know... I wouldn't mind waking up to him for the rest of my life. I've finally found a teammate? In a condo, in the city, with a dog and a partner. Be a safe haven for our collective nibblings... I think it took experiencing bein...

Sometimes I think about the desire to have kids. To birth another human. It's like a biological clock set up by society.  Statistically, women are having kids later in life, when they can afford them and actually want them... When they're ready to start a family. I'll always be a little jealous of that.  However, this cuntry and the laws and policies being etched into holding a license to save lives, it is UNSAFE TO BE PREGNANT NOW. What happened to me could happen again... And I 100% believe I'd be left to bleed out on the table... Than someone losing their license to save people... Tell me how that makes sense.  The alt-Reich is claiming they're all about saving lives, but they've been weaponizing despair. They aim to control... What better herd of sheeple than the devout? American Christians are always the most arrogant, narrow-minded nincompoops ever to claim knowledge of what God wants... It's never made sense to me growing up in that household, being t...

He excites me in ways Crickets used to. I am a wildly expressive person with stories out the wazoo ...I am cautious. I know that I'm beautiful and fascinating. Am I just a new shiny thing or am I a serious consideration? We are exclusive. We have titled Babe to one another. And the connection is palpable. Our starsust connection. I know that I have grown for the better since Crickets.  I quit smoking. ... I know I'm a different person with actual goals and plans. With interests that I didn't have to fight for center stage bc he claims he's here for everything... Did I wish for him? (Practical Magic). Did others put their wishes out into the universe for me to find happiness in another? I am attracted to those that reflect the good parts I like about myself. He is goofy, kind, and patient. I think he's handsome and funny. He's CLEAN. Tall. He brushes his teeth and .. He makes me laugh. He loves my writing and I know he's going to read this. He makes space fo...

I broke up with Ginger. He's still a good man, but I think I need and want more attention than what he had to spare me of his spoons. His family should and does take president... And I wish him the best.  I have a date tonight with R tonight. Either sushi or wings, bc I've been hankering for both. He's a big 🍃head... And my new roommate has a high sensitivity that I 110% forgot about so I will need to set more clean boundaries if I continue this relationship. I am very interested in a Dynamic... We did have an errand date last week that ended in a good rainstorm/emotional cry and hand-holding affection... But I'm unsure if it would be healthy as far as the partying and alcohol culture he seems to participate in. It feels like I'd be going backwards and repeating my dating history. I met R thru volunteering at Dragoncon and I really like him as a person.  What is the proper way to date as a Neurodivergent? My expectations are high for others... What's the end go...