The St. Louis Snow

I think I've been missing writing to you. My anger and sadness and disappointment in you was always the suffering you put me through. The worries and the "not talking to me kinda bs."  I had trusted you with my heart to make me feel loved, Crickets. I learned how to love you, but you never mirrored my enthusiasm ... I know now that I have to have boundaries and standards to filter out the big galoots from the worthy individuals.  Whenever I was upset, I'd try to write him bricks of text explaining why I was feeling my feels and he'd get mad at me for not being able to talk to his face... The one with the disgusting mouth and stinky body and loud bark.... I tended to shut down and shut off during confrontations, and then forget whatever we had discussed/argued about.  . "That's not my fault" was probably said a lot in your own head but never thought to say it outloud so I could hear you... So we could talk out feelings... connect. You'd also refer...

If I hide parts of myself, I won't get hurt, again. But I think I'm ready. I'm armed with boundaries and defensive vocabulary. I've befriended very good people outside of work and classes. I think I'm ready to get out there again and date seriously?  I know what I want. I want to find a dynamic, I want to date someone with a spine, I want to explore creativity with others, find a more suitable living situation (current roommate is very kind and patient, and tolerable... Nothing is wrong)... I want more friends and I want connection with other like-minded people. I feel like I over compensate or show off or say the wrong thing...  ... If I'm the only one planning anything, I get very sad. I like to be thoughtful and useful, and I like to think others would reciprocate, but that's all just assumed behavior. Maybe it's an autism thing... Does everyone else have someone to confide in, besides themselves? Do others share their deeper inner thoughts with their...